BETWEEN the LAUGH LINES

November Currents

2007-11-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't forgotten about you, o' blog o mine....i hope I get some readers, as some of my lovely friends have left the blog world.
So...after a full two months and then some, I thought I'd share some current loves of my life.

This week 's CURRENTS...

book: "Teaching to Transgress" by Bell Hooks (for Diversity in the American School class)

music: Ra Ra Riot, Vampire Weekend, and Camera Obscura (www.ilike.com/user/eastcoastastorian

song(s): "Dying is Fine" by Ra Ra Riot, "I Stand Corrected" by Vampire Weekend, "If Looks Could Kill" by Camera Obscura

television: Throwdown with Bobby Flay

eats: entenmann's chocolate chip poundcake (guilty!)

mood: relieved that midterm time is over and excited for the weekend

place to be: on my fabulous couch

movie: i want to see "The Kite Runner" when it comes out

more to come...

The New September

2007-09-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

Um...i've been back from beach bummin' for quite some time. I'm back in teacher-mode, back in student-mode, just back to my new york life...

It's hot outside today...but it's on the brink of that crisp fall-feeling we all anticipate. I hope so anyway.
Remember that back-to-school feeling? That tingle in your stomach and you weren't quite hungry for breakfast because you were too excited or nervous or scared or all of the above? I do. It was comforting to know that new beginnings were set in stone every single September. As adults we have to make our own - and it's a thrilling feeling to get that excited feeling; that tingle in your stomach again...

My year begins now. There are so many new beginnings happening that are going to really shape me this season.

What's going on with me?

~ I started my second semester of grad classes this week.....
~ I finally went food shopping and stocked my empty fridge....
~ I tried to catch up on "reading for pleasure" before I have reading assignments for classes with little to no success...
~ I began setting up the classroom I will be assistant teaching in
~ I am overwhelmed with the responsibiliities that lie before me, but I'm hiding it tremendously well ;)

This Fall, I hope to gain:

~a stronger sense of time management

~comfort in a first grade classroom

~ A's in my classes

~ a better version of me (as always)

Hopefully I will be able to write more creatively here this fall. I am taking a class in Diversity, and we have to keep a journal to write in after each class. We can write anything we want to, even draw or paint. I'm hoping to share some of my responses on this here, blog.

~Alice

Takin' a Break...

2007-08-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

Before the summer comes to a close, I"m off to one of my favorite places: the jersey shore.

YAY!

see ya soon, NY

21 Words of Wisdom

2007-08-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

I don't normally enjoy cheesy chain letter forwards I get in my inbox ~ but this is rather profound and reflective ~ a great guide to self-improvement. Enjoy and take it in... (

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you
get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: R espect for self; Respect for others; and R esponsibility for all your
actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

I think #8 and #11 are my favorites. They are simple notions that ground a caught up person. And #3 is a good reminder for motivation. It's my new favorite quotation.

What are your favorites? Why?
Do you feel you've mastered any of these?
Do you disagree with any of them?

I love to excite good conversation... :)

~ J

revelations and things...

2007-08-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Instead of back tracking on my summer in the city through the blurry eyes of muddled memory, I decided to move forward. I really just wanted to write a concert review on Spoon because I wanted to have a play on words, with my blog entitled, "Spoon Me"....I know you're laughing on the inside.

Yeah. I'm over it.

Moving forward is always the best way to go....and I just want to write. If a concert review comes, it comes....I'm taking it all as it comes....and it ain't coming right now. But, I will tell you what is...

What has been on my mind today is the "value of a good thing".

When an idea or concept is good, when anything is good for that matter - why waste it? Good things were meant to be shared. After taking a two-day workshop in learning how to piece together and implement a reading/writing curriculum in the classroom, this concept hit me like never before....like i had never truly understood it or something. Teachers share so much. God, I think of how hard ones before us have worked, written books to guide young teachers to be the best of the best - someone builds new concepts off of their concepts - and it's like generations of collaborative efforts. It's amazingly breathtaking when you think about it....well...of course i'm speaking in an ideal sense. This is if we lived in a world that was a lot like NYC - where most of the teachers truly give a shit about HOW they are making a difference. Of course I am talking about the teachers who take a stand for what they believe in, and believe in their work as an educator - not a drone of the system.

ANYWAY - my point is, good things are to be shared. When someone is doing something that's working and you feel that works for you, adopt that idea. Teachers do it all the time, and it's a compliment.

Unfortunately, I think I still have "copy" disease from junior high - where if you adopted something - like a similar birthday party theme or hair cut you liked, you were a "copier". You copied. This meant you had no individuality (which, at the time, everyone knows -is a lost concept) - no real idenitity. You didn't have enough individual style to fit into the "norm". Wow. Junior High sucked. I am fighting that competitive feeling. I always feel I have to have a "better" idea to make something work for me. This is not always true. Most of the time, it's never true. There isn't a better concept, just a different one. And it's okay to use the same concept, idea or thing that works - because WHO you are as a person will add a dynamic that makes it unique to you.

I don't know how this relates or makes sense in your life...but it's what i was thinking about while walking from 110th and Broadway to the 1 train...

So, I'm adopting an idea right now. If it works and it's a good thing, why not spread a good thing around? How many times have i said "good thing" in this blog?

this is it: My friend on this site has (or did have) theme type days in her blogs. I particularly enjoyed the theme: Currents. I'm completely stealing the title, but giving Darla credit for it, of course ;) I just like "Currents". I like it better than any other title I thought up so far. Maybe I'll come up with one someday, but for right now, I'm embracing it. A compliment for Darla. Thanks, Dar-bar.
(if you have copyright on "Currents" I will immediately change it! - lol)

So...to define "Currents" for me: these are things I have particularly enjoyed and indulged myself in throughout the week or so. Some have developed into all-time favorites and some are just one-hit wonders...

WEEKLY CURRENTS:

~summer meal : cilantro lime chicken and mango salad

~ dessert: fancy chocolates from San Francisco

~color combination: blue and chocolate brown

~ music: STARS (check 'em out!)

~ redecorating/craft idea: making a cork-board or picture frame out of wine bottle corks

~ place to be: my bedroom

~ book: "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher, Ph.D
(excellent physcology book on the generational change in adolescent girls...fascinatingly poignant and all too real)

~ movie: City of God (brilliant!)

~tv show: Big Love (HBO)

~ drink: water and red red wine

~ mood: thoughtful, anxious and energetic

How was your week?

;)

Confessions of a Social Butterfly

2007-08-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

This summer has been surprisingly full of out-and-abouts and all kinds of exciting inbetweens. It's been, by far, the best summer I've had in quite awhile. It may be true, that I am easily satisfied, but to have an amazing summer without leaving this city is quite possible .... proof is in the ....eh....whatever. I dunno.

I will be writing some belated concert reviews soon....some great stuff - take my word!

In July, I attended my first Ani DiFranco concert for one of my dearest friends' birthdays (the infamous Darla). It was lesbian infested goodness. I tried my best to fit in, but I am too awkwardly straight, it seems. Mainly I enjoyed my time with friends. Ani was good too. Of course we all know she is uber talented. Duh. She rocked out.

That same week, on the weekend, I attended an AMAZING festival concert on the Camden waterfront (near Philly) at Wiggins Park. This one deserves a full blogging. Three days of glorious sun, music and vendors that sold pottery! (Okay, I'm a bit of a hippie at heart....just a bit).

Before all this, I saw my first River-to-River free event in NYC! I saw one of my favorite bands, Spoon live in Battery Park. I love me some free music and I love me some Spoon. Though there was rain at a stop-n-go pace, This deserves it's own blog as well....stay tuned. You need some Spoon if you haven't taken a taste yet, my friends.

Just so you know where I've been, here are some places i've gone and want to be- whether it's on the web or in this crazy real world....

xo
~alice

1) http://www.ilike.com (by far, my most frequented website. I'm a junkie. Music, music and more music!)

2) http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/kitchenette

if you ever are out in the middle of tribeca -hehe - go to this little restaurant/bakery. It has perfect portions, a homey feel, and just good food. Unfortunately, not the best cupcakes though. Buttercup Bakery will always win in that department!

3) http://www.flickr.com (i just discovered this site about a month ago. maybe too late...but you can find a pic of anything!)

4) Just completed a four day, month long workshop for children's book writing with the fabulous author, Amy Hest. Read some of her stuff! (Missy - if you are reading this, you may know her work already). It was a great workshop on "Writing Your First Children's Book". Wish it was longer - but the four day intensive was thought provoking and informative at best. She is a very open and giving person - so write her if you want to know more about her work! Check her out. It's the least I could do...
http://www.amyhest.com

Keep on Keepin' On~ For Grandpap

2007-06-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

It's been one hell of month as I gazed blankly,(maybe just exhausted), at my iCal on my laptop. The appointments and obligations that fill up my calendar for the month of June are nothing extremely out of the ordinary - but from beginning to end, seem so far apart...
For the past few months my grandfather was struggling - fighting the true battle of his life. Finally, in a moment of amazing grace he took his last breath on June 14th. The amazing part was - his wife and four of his children were by his side. He wasn't alone. Despite all his agony in his final days, it's comforting to know he looked into my grandmother's eyes and held his childrens' hands before his final goodbye.
My mother asked me to write a poem for the funeral. She asked my brother to write something as well. I arranged travelling plans to Maryland, met up with my bro and his girlfriend, and prepped for the weight of what Monday or Tuesday may bring. As I wrote thoughts and jumbled ideas, as my bro pondered and collected more information - it was made clear that this simple poem and "something to say", became the Eulogy.

Wow. That's a lot of pressure.

I have a difficult time writing for family - at least, so I thought. I always think I'm too personal or too much of something. In 2004, my 21-year old cousin, whom was one of my best friends, was killed in a car accident by a drunk-driver. When I tried to write for him - everything seemed contrived and not genuine enough. I still beat myself up over the fact that I didn't read something from me at his funeral. I still kick myself because I think I gave up too easily and he deserved more from me. This experience taught me a lot....because I didn't want to be anything but strong for grandpop. Strong was the only way to be for the man who always believed in me...always.

I'm honored that I had a chance to speak, honored that my mother chose my brother and I to speak for her. She knew we would exemplify what everyone couldn't find the words to say.

I'm proud that I took the plunge this time. I was very hesitant - very hesitant - but I knew if my brother was up there with me, somehow, it would all come out perfectly. My brother spent the entire day typing this beautiful reflection on our grandfather - much like a great newspaper article (after all, he is a newspaper reporter!), while I spent time sitting on the train and in the front seat of bro's car, nibbling saltines and guzzling ginger ale, scribbling on a notepad.

I learned more from this experience than any other. It finaly sunk in that I hold back. I hold back when I feel my talents or whatever I have to offer is not of perfection. My mom read the rough draft, after I exasperated that it wasn't finished - please don't read it - it's not really a poem - it's too personal - blah blah blah. After the first few lines, my mother was crying. "This is perfect, Jessica. Don't change a thing" she said, "You're crazy". Now, my mother's like me - honest. She'll tell you exactly what she thinks. She won't be supportive just for the sake of being supportive. I believed her. And though it obviously need tweaking (it wasn't perfect), having that feedback meant SO MUCH.

Maybe I am crazy.

At the closing of a beautiful catholic mass, the priest nodded to my brother and I. We each ascended the wide marble steps to the podium. My brother spoke first. It was difficult to hold it together -for me- he wrote of a gift our grandfather gave him for one of his birthdays - A Merriem-Webster Dictionary. He reflected on what was written inside the front cover : "Keep on Keepin' On". He reflected on the fact that this simple saying was a driving force in grandpop's life and in the people's lives he touched - especially his family. Though my brother and I wrote separately, our words connected with different rhythm, different focus, but with the same intention - love.

I concluded the Eulogy with this poetic reflection:

I was once a little blonde girl in pigtails. At that time, I had no idea the life that this man built inside the walls I called "grandmom and grandpop's house". This was a place I loved to visit, but it was his smile most of all.

A pillar of support with just a hug or a wink. I knew just by looking at him, just by looking in those eyes that the world is worth the journey, and dreams can come true if I really try.

He was determined, strong-willed and a brave soul. Proud and stubborn still - but he would never falter. He was a family man who paved the way for generations to come. A passion; a zest for life that has inspired me to become the woman I am today.

80 years - and I have not seen them all, except in detailed stories over coffee at the kitchen table, except in pieces of memories in sepia toned and black and white photographs.
80 years - and I have not seen them all, but with modesty, with grace, he held onto those years as delicate as his own grandchild's hand.

Though I have not seen them all - I've seen much. I've watch him dance with my grandmother on New Year's Eve, read books to my brother and me - transporting our wandering imaginations. He was the grandpa who was always interested in who I was and who I was going to be.

With love, he would sometimes sneak me a midnight snack or a 10 dollar bill. See, with Henry, with grandpop, it was always be full, be happy, be young at heart. He knew life was fleeting. I take from his journey that the best things in life should happen today - and every day.

80 years - a long, good life - and that's an understatement. 80 years - and I smile for grandpop today. I smile because even as his eyes and will grew weary, he could always see the power behind a smile. The power of happiness, of beauty, and of love.

~J

Something to Blog About: A Weekend in Review

2007-06-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Okay....I'm a bit delayed with this post....it just BEGS to be written!
This past weekend was full of new discoveries and good times...I want to share. Correction. I NEED to share them with you...my summer reccommendations: Take your time, take it in.

FRIDAY, June 8th: FREE LOVE, baby

After I went out with colleagues from work, I recieved a phone call from a friend that I haven't see in some time. She tells me she has an extra ticket to the Public Theatre's SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK!!! I can't even tell you how incredibly excited I was. I've been wanting to go to these annual Shakespeare performance events every summer. It's always FREE, but often very difficult to come by tickets. And yes, yes, I know. Many of you are thinking, "i thought it wasn't open yet"...but my smart and sassy friend knew the brillance of seeing something while still in previews...she found it easier to get tickets. Good idea.

At any rate, I was eternally grateful! What a great performance! I saw "Romeo and Juliet" with the uber talented Lauren Ambrose (Claire from Six Feet Under) as Juliet and the fantastic Oscar Issac (performed in past Shakespeare in the Park productions) as Romeo. If you think you've seen this play, you haven't. I think most of us know some movie versions and forget some elements that make the play. And if you think hearing the same text you have heard before will bore you, think again. There were many times when I thought I had never seen a certain part ever before.
Issac's performance floored me at times. He knows his Shakespeare text, it's true, and he plays the uber essential quirky teenage heart-throb that Romeo should be, and then some. Romeo and Juliet's scenes together were chock full of physical humor and raw excitement - like love...but more like teenage love. I believed it, and enjoyed these scenes immensely. The balcony scene, which is seemingly overdone, found nuances that made it one of the most captivating parts of the show.
Camryn Manheim played the ever-so genuine and bold Nurse. What a great part, and Manheim played it with her own two cents added. It was such an enjoyable performance. Her scene with Romeo and Mercutio was like nothing I've ever seen before - rich with physicality! I also was captivated by Michael Cristofer's performance as Capulet, the man of the house. He definitely assumed the role of Juliet's father with such power and domination, it frightened me at times. Parts of the play seemed to move a bit slower than they should, especially in the second half, but they are still in previews. I forgive them for the amazing talent the actors possessed. The set was pretty damn cool too. It rotated and there was a shallow pool of water in the center....you must see it! There's sooo much to say. I am standing in line for sure. Midsummer Night's Dream is next! I am all about the summer of FREE Love this year ;)

Saturday, June 9th: the Upper West Side

Movies: Shrek the Third was good. I failed to see the second one, so I feel I missed a few connections, but it was funny and charming and yes, I did cry a little. The animation was even clearer and more detailed, if possible. Visually, it was pretty amazing. The story felt a bit unfinished, so I wondered if a fourth version of Shrek is in the future...
Go and see it, but you can wait for the DVD if you'd like...it's not a "rush-to-theatres-movie"...but see this funny cleverness at some point.

While walking around the upper west side, after the movie, I stumbled upon a little wine store called "Vintage" (Broadway & w93rd St). Hm. My dad and brother's birthday celebration dinner was Sunday night, so I wanted to get my father a unique bottle of wine. This seemed like a good place. I've heard of "Vintage" before, can't think of where, but I have...so i thought it must be good for NYC. The prices were average and they seemed to have a fine selection. Plus, they are open until midnight every night (7 days a week)! They have wine tastings nightly...I was curious to know more. I got my dad their highly recommended white wine that he has yet to try. I hope he enjoys it. There are two "Vintage New York" establishments in the city. Some cater to private wine tastings and the like, others cater to more retail sale....check it out:

http://www.vintagenewyork.com/aboutvny.html

Sunday, June 10th: Good eats. Good conversation...

After a long day and busy weekend, my brother, father, father's new girlfriend (wink, wink), and uncle came over. We were headed out for birthday celebration goodness. My brother just recently turned 28 and my father will be turning 53 on Father's Day. My brother, Nick picked a great and fantastic place to eat on the lower east side. This fantastic place was orginally discovered by Nic, my bro's girlfriend. The mentioned "fantastic" place is...

'inoteca

Located at: 98 Rivington St., New York, NY 10002
at Ludlow St.

yeah, it's a bit off the beaten path for most of my friends, I know, but let me tell you: SO worth it! Go go go! Great gourmet food and an extensive wine list (and I mean EXTENSIVE) that doesn't surpass some of the overpriced NYC gourmet. Portions are amazing and a great place to bring a group. This place usually has a waiting list. Now, if you are a true new yorker, you know that's a #1 sign that a place is something to brag about! According to Nic, it wasn't as crowded as usual (she's been about 3 times), but I thought it was pleasantly full - not overcrowded, not too sparse for a Sunday evening. This is italian cuisine that has adopted the tapas style - small plates of food served in appetizer portions. There was so much food! We had four courses....I definitely had to pace myself. Everything was amazing! And I mean, I tried things I might have turned down at first (like the beet and orange salad - which was incredible!). First served were olives in a spicy olive oil, small pieces of italian bread and a variety of thinly sliced meats directly imported from Italy. I can't even tell you - that was the best salami I have EVER had...seriously. And if you hate bologna, this italian version with pistachios was pretty delectable. The first course came next - a variety of salads. This included the infamous beet and orange salad with hazelnuts - so good. You just have to try. I have never had beets before, and was taken aback by the combination with the oranges. Good stuff. There was also a calamari salad (i could actuallly see the little squids, tried it anyway, and liked it very very much), a mixed lettuce caesar salad and a salad tossed with chicken and walnuts. I was almost full after trying small portions of each kind of salad. There were very small plates for this course...so you really had to eat and choose at the same time. After the salads came the main meal arrived...or meals I should say. There was a choice between this eggplant lasagna...(that I can't even really define as lasagne...because it was like eggplant pie or something), these meaty meatballs (must have been made of sirloin or something), some three-bean salad with polenta, and my favorite: french fried veggies. These were vegetables in salt - almost looking crystalized. They literally tasted like veggie fries. So awesomely good. I think there was something else too..but I was too caught up in all the goodness to remember! Dessert was awesome! Each person recieved individual shot-like glasses of this coffee-like milkshake/vanilla gelato creation. There was also cooked apples and grapes and a large variety of types of goat cheeses. They also served mini cracker-like nutella sandwiches. I wanna go back...

You are probably wondering about prices. We paid a pre-fix of $40 bucks each...but look at all the food I got! Of course I spent more than that - we went through two bottles of wine and a bottle of Italian Prosecco (like champagne: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosecco). If less people go, you do not have to order the pre-fix.

I highly highly reccommend 'intoeca for your next dining event ;) Good friends. Good family - whomever. It's worth the money and such good eats! Thus far, my fave dining experience in NYC I think. Here's what NYMagazine had to say: http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/inoteca01/

Welcome Summer!
There's more to come about NY discoveries....

Until the next post ;) ~me

(Delayed Publication) Ode to the Cookie: A Better Version of Me

2007-06-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

After I gave into temptation and ordered sweet&sour chicken with white rice, straying from my a-typical sesame chicken with vegetable fried rice...I pride myself in changing scenery once in awhile....I opened my fortune cookie.

It said, "The best thing you can do is get good at being you".

The last time I got a fortune that seemed in tune with my life was the last time I needed chinese take out to relieve stress.

There has been a lot on my plate and I've been in denial about it because I don't want to lose control. When this happens, my eating patterns get fucked up. I'll buy a lean cuisine and order chinese food anyway....

But I'll always remember when I opened a fortune cookie and it said "Fate will find a way". It was over a year ago. Feels so much longer...this in my early twenty something desperate need to be wanted by the opposite sex - embarrasingly so when I look back on it. I strategically taped this fortune to my journal. I looked at it during times of procrastination, and wrote poetry about it or for it.

The next night I meet the opposite sex at a bar. He swears he knows me from somewhere. He tries to recall the time and place, the corridor, the room where we shook hands. It never happened...but his face is so familiar. I leave him behind for a moment or two - amazed by his assertiveness. My instincts fail me. I return to him. We talk. We leave together. I'm determined to figure out how I know him. I won't leave until I know. I found out later, I did meet him...for a brief moment in an office space, a brief smile on the sidewalk and I sat across the room from him once - on a couch. I don't think we talked. He was nobody really...and I fell for him, all because I believed in the fortune that said, "Fate will find a way"....not in the way I thought.

With "The best you can do is get good at being you", I smirked the same way I smirked then....but this time I'm listening more carefully, feet firmly planted on this ground.
"The best I can do..." is exactly what I needed to hear. I beat myself up (especially in the last few months)...and leave it to the cookie to remind me to keep on doing what I do best and keep on improving that best. This is my little ode to the fortune cookie. Whenever you feel guilty about getting chinese take out - look to the cookie. These fortunes always fit in the places that I am in my life, and keeps me on track.

Okay, laugh at me. Goooo ahead! I'm a dork.

I'm thinking about the orange popsicle I had with my prek kids today...

2007-06-01T20:45:00.000-07:00

Where have I been??

stumbling, mumbling through the past few days...i typically awake on a saturday wondering if I have to make a mad rush out the door to get to work. My days are jumbled...lagging behind. Story of my life. The same damn story....

I'm a firm believer that history repeats itself in many ways...sometimes small forms...sometimes larger than life moments....either way...it repeats until or unless we learn something from it enough to change it.

Maybe some things aren't meant to be changed. I'm not talking about me.

I will write soon....promises. promises. OH! Nina's show is this weekend....EEEEEEKKKKKK! WOOOOHOOOO! The last two rehearsals were A-M-A-Z-i-N-G! I'm so happy for how this all turned out...the actors are great, putting all of their energy into it, and it's all coming together. It should turn out fantastical, for sure ;) I'm nervous for tomorrow, but I think tech will go well...(it's our first time in the space). And the show will run super smooth on Sunday. Positive thinking is key...I'm excited for Nina most of all!

Long weekend. Too much on my plate. Have to write student reports about four and five year olds. Please. If they don't know left from right now, they will eventually. Get over it - 4 year olds being evaluated already? Sick sad world, my friends, sick sad world...(* that was a "venting moment"*)

humidity makes me feel like a beached whale.

bleck.

The Little Engine

2007-05-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

Caffeine often subsitutes art

I could be saving money and saving pounds just by watching a few good actors rehearse a show.

Poetry readings do the same.

Thanks for the high.

My grad class ends this Saturday! Yay! I don't start classes again until the Fall....and I'll be one of those annoying busy people, yet I'll still be making time to see a ton of theatre and writing poems like it's my second job. I'm taking three classes. Am I nuts? If I can't get financial aid, commit me, please.

Must finish paper tomorrow. I think I can...I think I can....I think I can....oh little engine is sooooo slow.

My Grandmother is a Painter

2007-05-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

My mother, brother and I (and my dad - before my parents divorced about 8 or 9 years ago) would often travel in car to Maryland to visit my grandparents right after Christmas Day - only staying for that inbetween time. We didn't stick around for New Years Eve much. We visited other times, but the holiday season was a big deal.

So, my grandmother has this painting...I'm not sure when she painted it...or when I noticed it. It's a painting of her and my grandfather in a horse drawn sleigh. They are gliding across a snowy winter landscape. She would put it downstairs in her foyer, right around Christmas time....at least I think so. I never noticed it until this one visit, so I assumed she moved it downstairs because it was a seasonal picture. My grandmother has always had her paintings all around her home (and this house is pretty big).

I remember staring at it a few years ago and laughing a little.

My grandfather always struggled with diabetes and my mother would be on his case with that tough love grip. In the painting, she holding the reigns and the most prevalent color in the painting was a deep red. A red blanket covered her and my grandfather while my grandmother held red reigns. I remember asking my grandmother about the painting. I actually told her it was very interesting that she was the one holding on to those reigns. She didn't quite understand. I said something like, "You're the one in control of the relationship". She smirked and nodded and said she had never thought of it that way.

Now my grandmother is holding on tighter than ever before. I think of her a lot lately. See, my grandfather isn't doing so well. A few months ago had cancer - mellanoma (sp??), had it removed, but because he's aged quite a lot in past few years, they decided not to go through with treatment. The cancer spread. My grandfather had a stroke. Two tumors were found in his brain. Only in his brain. One of those tumors caused the stroke. My grandfather can't speak and is often unreactive. He had surgery. It was successful. The tumors were removed and he is cancer-free. Cancer-free and not the same person he was, wants to be, or will ever be again. One moment they think he's coherant, the next they are not sure if there is a sign of Martha's beloved Henry, of my mother's father, or of my grandfather. My mom was speaking to him and she cried. He began to cry to. She thought this was a sign. Is empathy the same as understanding? I started to wonder.

My mom was visiting her parents, taking care of her mom, visiting her father for about two weeks. When my mom left, my grandmother felt very alone. I never realized because she has always seemed so independant, so in control, so strong, that she has never been alone in her whole life. Henry and Martha, my grandparents, have known each other since they were 13 years old. They are best friends - as thick and thin as it seems. They now want to put my grandfather in a nursing home. He's just not recovering at the pace that the doctors anticipated.

"Can you help me figure out what to do by myself?" my grandmother asked my mom over the phone.

"Paint. Take a class." my mom says....then, she had a thought, "I'll be your student. Teach me how to paint this summer." she says.

I could pick up a paintbrush too.

My grandmother uses a lot of watercolors, but I have an oil painting of hers....sometimes it's good to try a new medium.

Cut Flower Series 1

2007-05-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Okay...so I've wanted to write poems or mini-short prose-stories about my dating experiences...I'm not sure if this is technically a poem...because it reads a little like a short short mini story...anyway, it's late and I should be in bed to function for the kiddies tomorrow, BUT you should know...I think this is the beginning of a series of poems about dates and the 20-something dating experience....something like that.

Good night. Let me know what you think....I know you will ;)

“I’d like To Think Everyone is Worthy, not Always Compatible, But Worthy”, He Said

We wore coats and scarves and wooly hats when we met on the corner of 57th and 7th. You took me to your favorite place.
You convinced me that a margarita wasn’t a girly drink because we were in a Mexican restaurant.
I was just curious.
I said I’ve been here before, and you played disappointed.
I suppose we both truly value good impressions, but we were both presently distracted by what we were struggling to find.

You had said you hated the phone. I understood. You were quiet and breathy when we spoke. You talked about spoiling your dog and your love for fiction. I heard her panting in the background, jealous for our lack of conversation.

When our margaritas arrived, I wished I had asked for salt, just to have an excuse to play with the rim of my glass. Instead, I stared at your hair and wondered how much gel you used. You noticed.

It’s not over crowded and the conversation is nice. You talk about coming of age, your frat boy days, the band you played in, the overweight ex who once was skinny, and how you moved to a foreign country to teach children. You had cut your hair, got rid of your piercings and changed your life. You did most of the talking.

I excuse myself to the bathroom - one room in a small hallway between the kitchen and the dining area. I wait for the door to unlock. I peek at you sitting and waiting, not even taking out your cell phone – not even to pretend to check a message that isn’t really there. Something I would have done.

I return. We talk, you talk some more. It’s much too cold to think of leaving. So he said, he didn’t want this night to end...

We shivered our way to a Starbucks. He bought me chai. He showed off his iPod. We listened to music. Most of it I hated or didn't understand, but I nodded and smiled. He hugged me on the subway platform. I kissed him lightly on the cheek. Maybe I shouldn’t have.

He told me later he wished he had kissed me like he wanted to. Next time, he said.
“Next time I’ll try that kissing thing”.

He made me smile even though next time never came...

Weekend in Review

2007-04-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

Because I have a 10-page paper for my Child Development class due in two and half weeks or something...here's the rundown of my weekend, like I sorta promised (though I technically didn't make any promises...I like to keep my word...in a timely manner...). So here goes...

Friday night (4/27) I saw a FREE production (tickets through the affluent private NYC school I work for. SCORE!) of "HOWARD KATZ" by Patrick Marber (for those of you who don't know, he wrote "CLOSER" and a few other well-known pieces of work). It was about the title character, a Jewish man, played by Alfred Molina (f*cking phenomenal actor!) who goes through a mid-life crisis - and hits rock bottom. The problem is, the story even goes so far, that the bottom falls out and he has no where to turn. I know, it sounds depressing, and it is kind of. It takes him that long though to realize what he has and how precious it was. It sounds like an afterschool special or something...but Marber's dialouge is witty and intelligent and the scene changes were captivating. Molina is on stage the entire time and the scenes move around him...it's almost like he's just going through the motions of his life and not in control of it. I loved all the symbolism throughout. All the characters playing Howard's family were doubled as smaller intricate roles throughout the play that displayed this "loose-cannon" demeanor that Howard Katz possessed. Alfred Molina is amazing in this. I feel so lucky to have seen it for free. The ushers are super nice there too. I was sitting in the back of the Orchestra and the usher came up to me right before curtain and said, "Do you want to move up?". I wasn't sure what she was asking me at first until she waved me down the stairs. I was thinking "Hell, yeah!". Is that really a question? Who wouldn't want to move closer? She should have said, "you're moving up. Let's go". Anyway, the show was great. The cheapest tickets are like 60 bucks apparently, but there may be discounts. It's worth it alone for Molina's performance.

(Oooookay. Maybe this entry will be longer than I thought. Though, I am short and sweet ;) I've never been known for it when I write...hehhe)

Saturday I had my usual Child Development Class....so I'm in the psychological mindset. By the way, I'm looking into reading the book "Reviving Ophelia". It's a case study book about the adolescence of young girls. Some people find it patronizing...others find it helpful (I think most find it offensive). Anyway, I read the first chapter (photocopy) in my class and I'm intrigued to read the whole book. If you want to know my opinion, I like it so far. I relate to it. Yeah, it might be a little biased, but I agree A LOT with what the author is talking about, and relate to it on a lot of levels. Check it out if you are curious....

Anyway, Saturday night I went to see CLOUD 9 at the Access Theater. The amazingly talented Jason Schmidt was in this show. He and the entire cast were phenomenal. I think this is a hard core challenge to perform and it was extremely professional on all levels. This was the closing night. I was running a little late (which I NEVER run late for theatre!) and trying to meet my friend Derek (He's GAY people! Stop wondering. Sheesh). On the four flight staircase dash to the theatre (love ya NYC theatre space!) I see a familiar face running behind me. It's my old partner in crime from my acting-tech-theatre days in Cincy Ohio - Ryan. Ryan and I assistant stage managed together, were well-equipped costume experts together and even understudied opposite roles while interning at an Equity theatre in Ohio. Whoo-hoo - good times. Anyway, I find out his current girlfriend was in the show. Oh this small small world we live in...He's an awesome guy - extremely talented actor and fun as hell to hang out with.

Err...sorry. Not much of a review on that one. Here's some more thought though.... I've seen a college production of CLOUD 9 before and this felt like something I had never seen before. I think seeing this show in a small space really helped me keep on track with Churchill's complex dialouge. She's pretty amazing...but hard to keep up with. These actors worked those poofy things on the back of those Victorian dresses off. Yeah! Rock it out.

Sunday was sooooo much fun. I love being a moderator at auditions. But after talking to 24 or something actors and being uber friendly....I was exhausted...but in a good way. I don't really remember the last time I was drained just from doing something that I didn't find painful or stressful in any way. Thanks for everything DAR!

Wish I could write more. Must start work on my paper....it's about socialization among children between the grades 1 throught 3. Any thoughts? ideas? Seriously. You may trigger inspiration. How do you define socialization??

comedy and tragedy live here

2007-04-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time, I had just quit a "membership company" where I was an actor, mostly rehearsing unused monologues and overdone scenes in front of mismatched goal-oriented "actors" who were on a million different pages in their lives. One thing we all had in common - we were lost and needed ground. We needed guidance. This company, which I will not mention in name (though it no longer exists- well, not in the capacity that it once did) didn't provide that solid ground that we all so desperately sought for in a profession where balancing survival and passion is an art within itself.

Since I decided to put my energies into teaching, I feel theatre has surrounded me more. Correction. It has always been around me in excessive levels (since it has been a HUGE part of my life since I was twelve or thirteen years old), but I feel stepping away from it, even for that first few months made me realize how lucky I am to have artistic expression everywhere I turn. I still didn't miss acting at all, and haven't missed it. Not even one iota....seriously....not since yesterday. I've been perfectly happy teaching, and loving my grad school class (I have to take more classes next semester! eeek. I'm a one-class-underachiever) doing drama afterschool programs with the kids, writing in my free time...lalala.
Yesterday, Lovely Anna, one of the wonderful head PreK teachers who works across the hallway from my classroom, where I work with my head teacher, Aussie Lisa (she's from Australia). Anna is absolutely lovely by the way. If I wasn't teaching first grade next year, I'd totally want to work with her in PreK. She's been there for years, and I love how creative her ideas are for the classroom. She does a lot with arts and crafts- making books, etc. So...her class is working on their author study and I was asked to make a book on tape! How cool! That's one of those things I've always wanted to do...and I mean ALWAYS...since I was little. Eric Carle is the Author they are studying, so she asked a few teachers to record different books on a tape, and the kids listen to it. I think it's a cool idea. This way, at rest time, they can listen to teachers they know throughout the building on tape..while hearing all the wonderful stories of Eric Carle. He's a pretty interesting children's author, I think.
So, I'm sitting afterschool on Thursday afternoon, alone in my classroom with a little black tape player/recorder and a children's book. As I'm taping this story, I was enjoying every second of it. I love these moments where my theatre experience and work-life connect. In these moments, as simple as they are, it all starts to make sense. I've had other moments like this, many actually. I have put on plays with my kids, I have played theatre games with them, I've written poems with my kids, the list goes on....but I began to think about acting again. I haven't thought about being on a stage or memorizing a script or the way I would smile in my next headshot since last March....but suddenly those thoughts snuck into my current reality. I don't think the time is now, but the time may come in the next few years or so for me to jump on the audition wagon again.

When I first left this theatre company, I was beginning to get jaded. I have to step away from things completely to get a fresh perspective. It's the only way it works for me. I'm the same with dating. I'm quitting until I have another fresh perspective. To date and date and date and date is exhausting and feels emotionless after awhile. That's not who I am.

Anyway, I love what's going on in my life right now. Yes, I've had my fears and doubts and I know I'm persuing a whole other profession that takes well-needed time to grow and expand my knowledge and experience. Maybe seeing my friends, who I am soooo incredibly proud of and ecstatic for (Niwa especially - yeah for being recognized for the AMAZING playwright she is!) grow is part of it, but I really feel a pull lately....a pull in the right direction.
Finding the balance for all my passions in life has been a struggle for as long as I can remember, but I feel it coming together. I think stepping away from theatre was one of the best decisions I've ever made...and it will never get too far away from me. I don't think it will let me...muahahaha! wooooo-

Ack! I gotta run! I have a jam-packed weekend of theatre theatre theatre!!!! I'm seeing a FREE...that's right free show tonite through Roundabout Theatre. It's a Patrick Marber play called "HOWARD KATZ". I've heard amazing things....you will get a review I am sure ;) My brother's girlfriend, Nic may come when she gets off work - but I haven't heard the word yet.
Here's the link. http://www.roundabouttheatre.org/pels.htm

Tomorrow night I am seeing Jason's show!!! YAY! I'm siked. I'll say DOODLE just for him. ;) CLOUD 9 through WhirledPeasProductions got rave reviews from my friends, Niwa and Darla. Rock on! I can't wait.

Sunday, yep, theatre on Sunday too...I get to be part of the audition process for Niwa's wonderful one-act piece that recently got accepted into a festival. Yay. Darla asked me so kindly to be her AD/stage manager. I will do anything to be part of this amazing piece of work....

Stay tuned.

Just as I suspected...

2007-04-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

You've Experienced 60% of Life

You have a good deal of life experience, about as much as someone in their late 20s.
You've seen and done enough to be quite wise, but you still have a lot of life to look forward to.

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

2007-04-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

I promised myself I'd write for one hour today....and so I am...I created a blog. Yes. Yes, it counts. I'll tell you why. I wanted to write one poem and work on my ten minute play. Typically, I keep two journals...one for the morning and one for the evening. I don't write in them as consistently as I used to, but they have at least five or six years of twenty something ups and downs in them - priceless shit. Anyway, I figured, okay, it would actually be good if I got some feedback or even a "hey - I read your thoughts" ....because, I don't know how anyone else feels, but sometimes the stuff I write in my journals is good...sometimes even better comparatively to other creative writing I've written....yeeeeah. So, writing this blog might give me some ideas like my journals usually do....and the feedback is even better....cool....okay, anyway, enough rambling.

So...the real reason I'm here, truth be told, is I figured it's the best way to tell the friends closest to my heart what's going on with my life....and frankly, I'm out of the loop a bit (dang blog-cliques! hehe). Since I've given up the struggling-actor-coffee-shop-guru-theatre thing (a little over a year ago), I've jumped head first into the teaching profession and grad school. Anyway, it's not always clear what's going on with my life - Nina, Dar and I are on different pages day to day. Ah then - it clicked. Blogs rock! This way, I don't always have to play "catch-up" with depressing stories of freakish dates and that dude on the subway that tried to blow his nose on my shirt (the latter didn't happen, by the way). When I meet up with my girlfriends now, we can focus on laughing and drinking until we are obnoxious. Love it.

WARNING: If you were ever curious about how my brain works, the following is disconnected in a way...so if you hate stream of conciousness, you may get nauseaus....heads up.

A fact: If it wasn't for a certain couch in Dar and Nina's apartment (that I LIVE in now, by the way)...err.... actually Nina's fouton in the late summer of 2004, I wouldn't be here. (Though, with my determination then, I would have found a way to make it here no matter what the circumstances...though it wouldn't have been as hospitable, no doubt) I guess my point is, I haven't wanted anything or felt that "gotta get it" feeling since I've wanted New York.

I know what I want to to do with my new degree (that I've always known I've wanted). I want to open a business one day (though that has nothing to do really with a Childhood Education degree...but somehow it connects). I want to develop an afterschool facility where children of elementary and even high schools ages can go to do arts programs that may be eliminated from their schools or just not available. How do I go about doing that? I have no freakin' clue. But, it will happen one day, I hope. I shouldnt say, "I hope". Maybe that's my problem...I'm the girl who cried wolf. I'm full of ideas that never come to fruition. Either that, or I'm waaaay too hard on myself....or I spend too much time being hard on myself and not enough time DOING...or....I should just shut up because I overanalyze everything.

Right now, I just want to get through some reading for my class at the end of the week, and start working on my 10-page paper due in a few weeks...

I just want to write one or two poems and set a deadline for myself to submit a few old ones. I want to work on my play.

I think, right now, I'm going to read. (it's for class, so I'm being productive.)

If I wasn't a procrastinator, I wouldn't have so many excuses. Riiiiight.

Happy Sunday...